A Goofy Glossary

Everyone has weird sayings or words acquired from oddball relatives or friends, or those that have just been picked up as they’ve gone on their journey through life.

Some of these are personal creations, while others are legitimate words.

Though mine are many and colorful, they are used for entertainment value and intended for lightening the mood. I’m a sharing just a few of them to make you giggle.

Ass Quack – A fart. See also flatulence, crop-dusting, drive-by, and dropping ass.

Boob Salad – Decolletage. The state of a well-endowed female’s bosom when fully on display, particularly when bound in a corset or well-made industrial brassiere. See also boobage.

Boondoggle – Useless work or activity made to look as though one is being productive or serious.

Bwak – A word or sound intended to scold with minimal severity. Varying levels, depending upon the nature of the infraction, could include multiple bwaks and flaps. The latter is to be avoided at all costs.

Chesticles – Male boobs.

Cloud – A white comforter or duvet.

Cow Pie – Bovine excrement usually left in a round pile resembling a pie.

Creepie – Term of affection and nickname given to a Jeep Wrangler by a Jeep Wrangler owner. It’s a Jeep thing – you wouldn’t understand. See also “Rubi” for Rubicon.

Doof – A cross between a dumbass and a goof, intended to be not as offensive as straight-out calling someone a dumbass; lighthearted and humorous.

Doppelganger – An individual with identical physical traits, an identical twin, someone who looks the same as another person.

Doug – A verb meaning to break something, injure oneself, or to do something wrong. Originating from simple observation of my husband’s daily activities, I’m seriously contemplating contacting Webster’s to convince them of their need to include this in the English vocabulary.

Gash-hole – A term describing an individual for whom one has a feeling of extreme dislike or hatred. Derogatory term for a woman of ill-repute.

Glop – A dish comprised of any leftover food, scraps of ingredients, or the last minuscule remnants of any bag found in a pantry. Customarily made when the household’s primary chef is tired, lazy, or desperate.

Goo – Sweetened syrup added to water for enhanced taste, available in a variety of flavors.

Gunt – A combination of the words gut and cunt describing the midsection of a woman’s body where the lower stomach overlaps the genitalia.

Hail Damage – Pocks or divets in human skin caused by cellulite found in males and females, most easily noticed through white or yoga pants. See also orange peel, cottage cheese, and surface of Mars.

Horse Apples – Equine excrement left where dropped and approximately the size of the fruit. Dimensions may vary; do not attempt to ingest.

In Spades – A term describing a great many, a large volume, or with serious intention.

Moo Cow – A leather jacket.

Nerd Herd – A gathering or group of young men most likely found in a college setting. Think chess, science, or physics clubs.

Oldsmopile – The only thing that an Oldsmobile should be called or considered.

Rag – Any publication – a tabloid, newspaper, or magazine – that is known for consistently printing and disseminating lies, poorly-written news, or stupid information.

Ratbert – Nickname for a small child of toddler age, originating from the Dilbert comic strip.

Schnork – A way of laughing that incorporates a snort, a hiccup, and inhalation executed with such force to expel milk through a nasal cavity or trigger acid reflux.

Scritch – A way of scratching that brings immediate satisfaction to an itch, originating from the Peanuts’ cartoon strip.

Shiticles – Non-visible and potentially toxic particles or remnants left behind in the air or on solid surfaces following a visit to the restroom or crop dusting incident.

Slab – A slang term for a state of or person being slab-like, usually horizontal and immobile, and likened to a slab of marble, granite, or clay.

Snag – To expectorate mucus and expel by spitting. See also goober, loogie, or snot.

Snoreasaurus – A creature prone to emitting a snoring noise loud enough to keep awake or refuse sleep to an entire household, with decibels capable of cracking walls and loosening ceilings.

Spud or Spudlet – Term of endearment for a child of any age; your own or them of another individual. Originated from the slang term for a small potato.

Titsling – A bra. See also over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

Twatwaffle – A colorful adjective used derogatorily to describe a stupid, irreverent, rude, inconsiderate person and/or their actions.

Wienous – Male genitalia. This word is a combination of wiener and penis.