What I’d really like are as follows (in no discernible order):
- a man
- a life
- a decent job
- a life (wait…did I already mention that one?)
Any combination of just two would negate the remaining. But in the meantime, I’ll list the top ten main reasons any given listed desire can be justified:
- 10: No one should be able to bring up in casual conversation that “Klu Klux Klan” originated from the Greek word “kyklos” meaning “circle”. No one.
- 9: I’m building up an impressive tolerance to Kilo Kai Rum.
- 8: I can feel myself losing IQ points by constantly sifting through social media sites.
- 7: I can pinpoint exactly which leaves in my yard have been moved by the wind and where they’ve landed.
- 6: At 175,223,510:1, I’ve got better odds of winning the Powerball jackpot than finding a stable job working with people that aren’t completely cracked.
- 5: The world in my head took over the world in which I actually exist…a long time ago…and that’s not so bad.
- 4: I cleaned the poodles out of every drain in my house at 3 a.m….just because.
- 3: I’ve begun to see emoticons next to people I see in person.
- 2: On the rare occasions I speak, I jump at no longer recognizing my own voice.
- 1: I’m out of Energizers…again.